By Coach Joshua
This write up is an audacious one because, honestly, the controversies and reactions it always generates is not what I like to put up with. However, take or leave it, the truth must be told.
Frankly speaking, the controversies and stigmatization that the above mentioned topic often generates is unfortunate and unnecessary. I must say that it’s mostly peculiar to Africa. In western countries of the earth, it’s not an issue at all. Whether African or not, it shouldn’t be an issue of stigmatization at all. It’s unnecessary.
Dear friends, single parents are not criminals or the worse persons on earth. They’re not “used products” like many persons refer to them.
They’re great people who should be respected for their courage and decision to keep their love child or children despite their relationship mistake. When others who were in their shoes chose to commit abortion to conceal their sins, they chose to keep their child or children and face the shame.
In my own perspective, they’re the real heroes and heroines who should be respected and celebrated and not those many “holier-than-thou” folks who have had several secret sexual activities, several abortions and had some health complications or even lost their wombs yet nobody is aware of their ugly secret. Personally, I respect single parents. I don’t look down on them. I don’t mock them. I don’t condemn them. Rather, I love them and I show them compassion. That should be everyone’s attitude towards them.
For children of God who still regard single parents with hatred and disdain and not with love and compassion, they simply don’t understand the Bible and the mystery of salvation through Jesus Christ. The new birth experience grants the sinning human race (of which we were all part of before) forgiveness of sins and the new status of SAINT (see Romans 3:23; 1Corinthians 6:9-11; 2Corinthians 5:17).
Therefore, it’s anti-God and anti-Bible to demonize whoever God through Christ has made a new creature. Single parents are not criminals or sinners; they are SAINTS. Like us, they’re great potential spouses who will make great spouses and marriages anytime, any day. I have said it unashamedly many times that, if I had the opportunity of marrying a single parent before I met my wife, trust me, I would have married her.
Now it’s important I discuss briefly the little peculiarities of dating and marrying a single parent. If you’re truly interested in one, that’s super great. Congratulations to you. Please consider the following:
TO THE MEN:
1. Find out the number of children she has.
2. Find out what happened to her (please don’t be judgmental about it. Be sympathetic and compassionate). Show care. However, if she is a divorcee, steer clear of such situations.
3. Find out about the terms of the custody of her child. Get to know if her previous lover has abandoned her with the child having denied paternity and child support or the previous lover has accepted paternity and child support even though his refused to marry her.
4. If you’re truly interested in her, please don’t hate her child or children. In fact, she will love you more if you can love her child. She will love you 360 degrees if you can take in her child’s responsibility or even adopt him/her as your own biological child.
5. If you want to marry her, in a situation whereby the previous lover has accepted paternity and is providing child support, the lady must inform the previous lover of her intention to marry you with the promise that his child still remains his child and that the new lover will not claim that child as his own.
6. For the men who can’t have another man’s child under their roof, well fine. You may discuss where the love child will stay. Remember, if you truly love that lady, you must also love the child or children with her. Some men won’t mind having the love child staying with them.
Please all these should be discussed, sorted out and agreed upon before marriage. If you don’t agree on these, please don’t marry her.
TO THE LADIES:
1. Find out how many children he has.
2. Find out what happened. (is he divorcee or a widower or just had a child or children out of wedlock) if he is a divorcee, the Bible teaches that we steer clear of such situations ( Romans 7:1-5; Matthew 19:1-9; 1Corinthians 7). But if he falls into the two other categories, go ahead and marry him.
3. If his child will live with you guys, you must accept and treat that child as yours. Please no maltreatment. Love that child as yours. That will endear you the more to that child and your husband.
4. You should allow the man let the ex see her child periodically at chosen places.
Please ensure that all these issues are discussed, sorted out and agreed upon before marriage. If the lady doesn’t agree on these, please don’t marry her.
Dear single friends, can you see how simple it’s to date and marry a single parent? Very simple. Please don’t mind people’s mouths. It’s your own life. Don’t miss out on God’s will for your life. A single parent is as good as every other person out there.
Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking, sharing.
Photo credit to inc.com