Written by Coach Joshua
Many men and women are truly not ready for marriage and that those who are already married are not ready to have a blissful marriage. Of a truth, people perish for lack of knowledge. Gladly, in this digital age knowledge is readily available everywhere and most time coming at a little or no cost at all. But why do people keep being victims of ignorance? Why?
Today’s article is primarily aimed at the husbands and would-be husbands. Marriage wasn’t started by man, any civilization, race or country. God is the brain behind it. As a patented inventor of a creation or invention, he made available an operational manual for the smooth running of marriage. That manual is the holy book called the Bible (see 2 Timothy 3:16). So a marriage that must work should align itself with the marriage principles well defined in the Bible.
In most African societies, the place of the wife in marriage hasn’t been properly understood by many people, especially the men. Every now and then there are issues whereby a visiting mother-in-law dictates what happens in her son’s house at the detriment of the wife.
Dear men, I know how sweet a mother’s love is. I know that most, if not all mothers, have made the sacrifices to see us through life. I know many suffered deprivation, many did all kinds of menial jobs, many hawked on the streets, many had to sell off all their valuables, many had to be indebted on many occasions sometimes suffering embarrassments to repay the loans, etc, just to see that we became somebody in life. May God bless all the mothers and it’s my prayer that they will enjoy the rewards in their lifetime.
As important as a mother’s role in her children’s lives would have been, however, the Bible’s teachings on the wife’s position in her husband’s heart is clear. She is the Queen and she comes ahead of the mother in terms of importance.
Genesis 2:18-26 says that the husband should leave his parents to cleave to his wife in order to form oneness. It didn’t say that the husband should cleave to his mother to form oneness, but the wife. That passage also teaches on the importance of the wife in marriage. Because if the husband and the wife are now one flesh through marriage, it means that the same respect a husband enjoys should also be enjoyed by the wife in her marriage. That’s how simple that truth is to understand.
Unfortunately, many African husbands are either ignorant or immature. Marriage enthrones the wife. She is the Queen of her husband’s heart and the the home. Therefore it’s anti-marriage for a husband to allow his mother call the shots in his home. Of course, Mama is a Queen herself but in her own marriage and home, not in her son’s house. So it’s very wrong and as a matter of fact, a call for trouble for a Queen to come reign in another queen’s domain. There won’t be peace.
Since I got married, my mum has visited us a couple of times. She has had to live with us for one week to several weeks. My wife has never had any problems with her because aside for Mama knowing her boundaries in my house now that I am a married man, I also had to inform or remind her about the boundaries in love that . Thankfully, my mum has taken my wife as her own daughter and my wife has taken Mama also as her own mum. The two women enjoy a very close relationship with mutual respect for each other.
Frankly speaking, I am very much aware that many wives have this inner fear about or somewhat hatred for their mother-in-law no matter how loving and nice the old woman might have been to them. I am also very much aware that many future wives pray never to have a mother-in-law. Really? That’s a wicked prayer. Won’t you become a mother-in-law to someone’s daughter in the future? Well, I know that many mothers-in-law are very problematic and very wicked no matter how loving and nice their daughters-in-law, and that’s where very intelligent, smart and real husbands should protect and defend their innocent wives from their mother’s attacks on their wives.
Dear wives, while it’s true that you’re the Queen of your husband’s heart and home, remember that your husband’s mother is still a very important figure in his life. That’s his mother (and nothing can change that), and marriage doesn’t mean that he has to abandon his parents or family because he is now married. In fact, a good wife should consider herself as part of her husband’s family. Dear husbands, what is your wife’s place in your life and home?
Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking and sharing.
Photo credits: Klala Photography